Updated: May 26
In my previous article, I have mentioned the Power of Forgiveness, and the importance to deal with your negative emotions, to create the space of communication with yourself and others, to allow you to leave the past and to go ahead, realizing a new life.
For this reason, I wish to invite you to try mindfulness and to act daily step by step, to transform a bad situation into a positive situation, where to learn how to become resilient.
Of course, I am speaking about you: because you can change a situation if it is completely under your control, and you agree with me that if your partner doesn’t want to change…this is not your decision and you can’t change anybody.
Remember my friend, that if you persist to change someone, this will happen only in your mind and, the only person that will change, it will be you. And this will impact negatively on your health and life balance, you will suffer stress and anger because you will not see any change in those you want to change, and you will get disappointed ...
Your relationship is not a romance, so, you have to understand that doesn’t exist anything that can ensure it forever, but at the same way, if your relationship is not completely destroyed and there are many reasons to ‘fix’ it, you can try to put efforts to solve it.
Remember: you can’t solve anything alone; you have to consider other decisions that can be different from your point of view. At any away, these are some pieces of advice to help you to manage better your relationship.
So, how can you set up a reasonable way to solve your relationship, without losing your self-esteem, energy and life balance?
Think about, what put you and your partner together.
Ask yourself questions to help you to evaluate the reasons that bind each other, think about her or his qualities and those values that you still like, what make she or him so important to you, but at the same way ask yourself what you don't like anymore about your partner and you can evaluate this trying to speak with them, in a constructive way, without judge severely each other.
Create a space to communicate in an assertive way.
One of the most important ways is to learn how to communicate assertively and to know how to ask questions, listen actively and give your impression, without overwhelming your partner with your doubts, or to put too much pressure to have too soon her or his answers.
Don't insist to have a conversation at any cost, or to have a dialogue after a long workday for instance.
A good way is to become transparent and clear, of course, you can keep secrets to yourself like certain personal problems but sharing little things can open more than one door. Try to ask opinions or suggestions to your partner for those things that are possible to solve together.
Protect your relationship from other points of view, influences or manipulation.
Leave other's opinions out from your relationship and don't allow people to put too much 'interest' in your relationship. It is easy to influence the relationship balance or to be influenced as well by others' opinions or suggestions, try as much as possible to keep your relationship private, because only you and your partner know what is happening in your relationship. A good way is to have professional support to help you speak about what is concerning you or is stressing you in your situation.
Set rules and respect them is a way to start something together!
Having common rules that both of you have to respect and follow is a way to create co-operation. Setting up rules doesn't mean live like under an army, of course.
Both of you can follow the same rules, and in case some of you don't respect them is better don't judge or punish severely.
At the beginning is better, set up boundaries that are easy to follow boundaries and that are clear to both of you.
Restarting doing things together.
Restarting doing things together is a great opportunity but this has to be seen as something practical and pleasant for each other, as you have read before, don't put too much pressure because this is deleterious.
Both of you have to try to create the same, or a new, atmosphere where you can enjoy staying together.
Maybe it is a nice idea to go to a certain place that both of you like, going to watch a lovely or funny movie or going to dance can be ideas...
But making something special like an unexpected surprise is something that has a big value in her or his eyes!